1"You'd better watch who you're calling a child, Lois. Because if I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna be lectured by a pervert." - Peter
2"Giggity giggity giggity." - Quagmire
3"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... Lois, this is not my Batman glass." - Peter
5"Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time." - Quagmire
6"The life of the wife is ended by the knife." - Stewie
7"Because you touch yourself at night." - Museum Tour Guide
8"So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?" - Stewie
9"I've got an idea - an idea so smart that my head would explode if I even began to know what I'm talking about." - Peter
10"Ha ha ha, oh my God! I almost didn't do it, I almost didn't do it! I thought, is this in bad taste? But you know what, I went for it. I went for it and I'm so glad I did! Ooooh, worth it, totally worth it." - Stewie
11"Eh, you're overreacting Lois, and you can't spell overreacting without ovary... 'cause you're a girl." - Peter
12"Hey, mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster." - Stewie
13"Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually." - Peter
14"Oh, Brian, I can't wait 'til after dinner, 'cause then we'll go home and you can watch me have my period." - Stewie
15"Buttscratcher! Buttscratcher! Buttscratcher!" - Peter
16"Yes, we're gonna douche the night away." - Stewie
17"Shut up, Meg." - Peter
18"All right, all right, make like Siamese twins and split... And then one of you die." - Peter
19"Alright, everyone but Chris keep your pants on and let's figure this out." - Herbert the Pervert
20"No, Quagmire, we're not supposed to!" - Peter
21"Her fists are so dangerous she's not allowed to be a lesbian." - Brian
22"Lois, men aren't fat, only fat women are fat." - Peter
23"I'd do her... do her... wouldn't do her... Whew! Who hasn't done her?! ...Lose the pigtails and we'll talk." - Stewie
24"Hey guys, wanna go play some base...ball? Excuse me, I'm gonna go masturbate." - Peter
25"I'll be Charlie and all of you can be my angels. Except you. You be Bosley." - Peter
26"OMG, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits, it says 'Ooooooooo'." - Peter
27"Dammit! I'm missing Boy Meets World for this?" - Herbert the Pervert
28"Cool Whip!" - Stewie
29"I'm not going to call an ambulance this time because if I do, you won't learn anything." - Brian
30"Oh, I wasn't aware that you can see the future, Lois. Can I go ahead and get tomorrow's lottery numbers?" - Peter
31"NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" - Cleveland
32"Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find... I shall kill you." - Stewie
33"Hey there, you like popsicles? I got a whole cellar full of popsicles." - Herbert the Pervert
34"I felt guilty once, but she woke up halfway through." - Quagmire