1Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.
2If Chuck Norris falls into a river, he doesn't get wet. The river gets Chuck Norrised.
3Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now just The Islands.
4Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
5Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
6Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
7Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. It's a shame he's never cried.
8When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
9Chuck Norris converted God to atheism.
10Behind Chuck Norris' beard, there is no chin, there is only another fist.
11There is no Ctrl button on Chuck Norris' keyboard. Chuck Norris is always in control.
12Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
13There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals that Chuck Norris allows to live.
14If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google, it doesn't ask what you meant. It simply comes back as RUN.
15Chuck Norris got stabbed by a knife. After two weeks of pain, the knife died.
16Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
17When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up. He pushes the world down.
18Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
19Chuck Norris clogs the toilet every time he pisses.
20Chuck Norris invented the spoon. Killing with a knife was too easy.
21Chuck Norris died ten years ago. The Grim Reaper just can't build up the courage to tell him.
22Toronto made a replica of Chuck Norris's penis. They just used his initials and called it the CN Tower.
23Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.
24Chuck Norris can speak braille.
25Chuck Norris doesn't tea bag girls. He potato sacks them.
26Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life there.
27Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
28Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
29Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
30Chuck Norris gave birth to himself.
31God said "Let there be light," Chuck Norris said "Say please."
32The first giraffe was created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
33Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
34Chuck Norris and Mr. T once walked into a bar together. The bar immediately exploded, for that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
35Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
